I'VE BEEN THERE AND BACK

Do any of the following apply to you?

1. You have daughter who spent her clothing allowance on a thong bikini then burst into tears when you confiscated it.

2. You have a changeling son who refuses to occupy his bed at night or climb out of it in the morning.

3. You've looked into the up-turned face of your toddler and wondered what's going to happen to that sweet innocence in the next nine or 10 years.

Congratulations! You have either a teenager or a potential teenager. I know the realization is upsetting, but don't worry about that weird human being who has invaded or will soon invade your life. Actually, I think teenagers have been given a lot of bad press.

They are kind of nutty and they're capable of driving their parents absolutely bonkers within a short period of time. But they're also idealistic and insightful--capable of great love and earth-changing ideas.

I CAN HELP

In addition to my own nine children and a couple of dozen grandchildren, I've mothered a multitude of foster teenagers, some of them disturbed or disabled.

In addition, I've taught junior high, high school and college English to hundreds of 12 to 20 year olds, and I've served on countless committees for youth in my church and community. But, even though I had all that experience, like every parent before me, I was almost unhinged by the onslaught of my own kids’ puberty.

When I originally started writing books about raising teenagers, I had managed to raise six of my little darlings beyond the terrible teens and had three stuck between 13 and 19: Dolly - 28, Sherri - 26, Gary Willis - 23, Roch - 22, Eric - 21, Linda - 20, Micah - 17, Brian 14, and Nathan - 13.

If "on the job" training counts as college credit, I hold a PhD in Adolescents. My basic advice is "keep your sense of humor and rely on spiritual promptings." After all, nobody, no matter how brilliant or educated, has all the answers. Individual parents have to find out for themselves, based on their own childhoods and family values--I think Mother Nature set up things that way. But parents can learn from each other--especially from parents whose children have turned out to be good, productive, and happy members of society.

SMILES ARE THE FLIP SIDE OF TEARS

Earthquake and hurricane victims use humor to deal with their incomprehensible situations. I think parents of teenagers have an equal need for humor.

Whatever your stage of parenting, I want to help you figure out areas of control and spot problems before they develop. May you delight in the good times and endure the bad times with a bit of laughter.

Send me an e-mail with your questions or concerns and I will either answer you directly or send you an excerpt from one of my books, columns, or articles.